next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
