Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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