She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
