Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
