Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize