genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
