Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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