I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
