Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
