no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
