The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
