First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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