i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
