Who wears a wallet chain?!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
