So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
