I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
