She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
