i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
