That's when you crack a 10am beer
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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