oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
His nipple licking is glorious
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