Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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