He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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