everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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