so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize