I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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