i was born a porn star she said
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize