My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
