I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
