I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My liver just broke up with me...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
