the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
