it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
