I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
