Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
