I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
