I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
