I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize