I can text with my tongue
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
