so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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