and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize