I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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