But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
