Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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