I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
