I wish I could punch you in the face.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
