Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
