ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
