Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
operation harelip BJ is a go
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
