His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
