2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
