Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
