she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Two words: blizzard sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
