rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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