so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
