I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
