Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
