hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize