he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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