just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
