you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
