Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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