Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
