well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
