By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
