ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
