maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
