Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
