I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
