watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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