woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize