i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
