ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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