Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
