im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
