I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
